A Thousand Splendid Suns (pg.51-104)

Characters:

1. Rasheed: Mariam's newly arranged husband, lives in Kabul (650 km from her home), shoemaker, widower (son and wife both died), Pashtun, speaks Farsi as well as Pashto, much older than Mariam, tall, thick-bellied, abusive (especially as the relationship goes on), oppressive, traditional in some respects and not in others

Vocab:

1. hijab (51): a scarf worn by women that covers their hair
2. nikka (52): wedding
3. fahmidi (65): wife
4. burqa (70): a large veil worn by some Muslim women that completely covers their faces and bodies from view (full covering)
5. nang (70): honor
6. namoos (70): pride

Notes:

* women expected to wear a hijab when in public spaces or around men that aren't part of their family

* brides' faces are completely veiled for wedding

• Mariam in her wedding, Rasheed was not allowed to enter the room until she was properly veiled

* many traditional aspects of the wedding were overlooked so as to make it a fast wedding, normally weddings are huge and elaborate (shows lack of respect and care for Mariam)

• interesting --> woman must be asked 3 times if she will accept the man as her husband (man should be seen as seeking the woman, not the other way around) (52)

* Mariam: "I used to warship you. [...] On Thursdays, I sat for hours waiting for you. I worried myself sick that you wouldn't show up. [...] I thought about you all the time. I used to pray that you'd live to be a hundred years old. I didn't know. I didn't know you were ashamed of me." Jalil: "I'll visit you. I'll come to Kabul and see you. We'll..." Mariam: "No. No. Don't come. I won't see you. Don't come. I don't want to hear from you. Ever. Ever. It ends here for you and me. Say your good-byes." (54)

• Mariam stands up to her father in the only way that she could, shows strength and bravery in her character, especially at such a young age. She knows that what has been done to her is immoral and not ok, and she makes it clear. Shows a level of rebelliousness as well because a "good" Muslim woman would not have said anything despite the unfairness of the situation.

* "That's one thing I can't stand," he said, scowling, "the sound of a woman crying. I'm sorry. I have no patience for it." (59)

• Shows a lack of compassion and empathy. Mariam has just been given to this man, has been brought to an unfamiliar house in a unfamiliar town, and is now expected to do the duties of a wife. Of course she is going to be upset and cry. He is rude, unkind, and unsympathetic towards her.

* Mariam feels uncomfortable, "strangled" by all the space (59), like "an intruder in someone else's life" (63), depressed, lost, lonely, homesick, terrified of having to have sex with Rasheed

• even though she has an "easier" life in the new home (never was hungry, much bigger house, etc), she misses the kolba and Nana

* Rasheed sits with her every night and tells her gossip, work and superstitions about shoes. He tries to have conversations with her, but she just sits quietly in fear.

• "Rasheed believed none of this. In his opinion, superstitions were largely a female preoccupation." (64)

* Mariam now expected to do all the housework and to take care of Rasheed (cooking, cleaning)

* Women going to the public oven always complaining about the way their husbands treat them, their husbands' bad habits, and their workload (66)

• They all swarm Mariam first time she goes to the oven. Asking her endless questions. --> curiosity of women
• Mariam is scared out of her mind. Although the women are friendly, she doesn't know how to deal with all the questions, people and attention. She is young and in need of guidance.

* Mariam is extremely concerned with impressing Rasheed with her cooking and cleaning, and is disappointed when he doesn't even mention her efforts around the house. She feels pride when he compliments her meal. (a woman's need to please and serve her husband)

* Rasheed buys her a burqa and expects her to wear it (modesty) whenever she leaves the house

• Rasheed berates the men who come to his shop for allowing their wives to wear western clothing, makeup and for allowing him to touch their bare feet. He even berates men who just make their wives wear the hijab, and thinks all women should be covered.
• Rasheed: "It embarrasses me, frankly, to see a man who's lost control over his wife" (70)
• Raseheed: "But I'm a different breed of a man, Mariam. [...] Where I come from, a woman's face is her husband's business only." (70)
• "The earlier pleasure over his approval of her cooking had evaporated. In its stead, a sensation of shrinking. This man's will felt to Mariamas imposing and immovable as the Safid-koh mountains..." (70) --> she feel belittled and confined, controlled and oppressed by men
• actually somewhat comforting for her, allows her to hide from the views and scrutiny of others

* Mariam is not introduced to Rasheed's friends and acquaintances when they go out together, she is to stand in the background and remain quiet

* The thing that caught Mariam's attention most when on the walk was the women in the wealthier more "modern" areas. Many do not wear any sort of covering, wear makeup and nail polish, wear skirts, smoke cigarettes and walk along with their husbands and children in public (sometimes alone as well though)

• Mariam is fascinated by this because it is so foreign to her. She comes from a much more conservative area, and she is mystified by the freedom of these women
• "They made her aware of her own lowliness, her plain looks, her lack of aspirations, her ignorance of so many things." (75)

* Mariam and Rasheed have sex for the first time, despite her objection. He does not listen to her and continues on (she doesn't fight it). She is in pain, but remains quiet.

*Mariam is required to stay in her room out of sight while Rasheed has friends over to drink tea for Ramadan

• "Mariam didn't mind. In truth, she was even flattered. Rasheed saw sanctity in what they had together. Her honor, her namoos, was something worth guarding to him. She felt prized by his protectiveness. Treasured and significant." (81)
• Very stereotypical reaction from a Muslim woman, would not be the same in the west. Many people would consider it oppression, not protection. This is how Muslim women are expected and supposed to react/think.

* Mariam comes across porn magazines in Rasheed's drawer and is horrified. "She felt drugged. Who were these women? How could they allow themselves to be photographed this way? Her stomach revolted with distaste. [...] Had she been a disappointment to him in this regard? And what about all his talk of honor and propriety, his disapproval of the female customer...?" (83)

• Shows she still is somewhat innocent and oblivious to certain ways of the world. She also begins to see the hypocrisy in the way her husband treats her and how he views women.
• Shortly afterwards she formulates an excuse for his actions. "He was a man. [...] Could she fault him for being the way God had created him?" (83) However, she would never dream of doing the same. --> Double standard

* Mariam is pregnant, and Rasheed is convinced that it will be a boy --> he starts thinking about male names (and tells her if it is a girl, she can name her whatever she wants), he buys a young boy's jacket, always refers to "it" as a boy and tells her it WILL be a boy --> he doesn't want a girl

* Mariam is extremely excited about the pregnancy. "And here she was now, [...] with a home of her own, a husband of her own, heading toward one final, cherished province: Motherhood. How delectable it was to think of this baby, her baby, their baby. How glorious it was to know that her love for it already dwarfed anything she had ever felt as a human being, to know that there was no need any longer for pebble games." (89)

• She is growing up, and no longer a child in most ways. Her view on life, love and marriage has begun to change. Mariam feels truly happy for one of the first times, and is about to fulfill her duty as a woman to produce a child.

* She loses the baby, and all of her happiness fades away...replaced by a deep sorrow and problems with Rasheed. He treats her much worse, complains more and is always irritable.

* "It wasn't easy tolerating him talking this way to her, to bear his scorn, ridicule, his insults, his walking past her like she was nothing but a house cat. But after four years of marriage, Maram saw clearly how much a woman could tolerate when she was afraid. And Mariam was afraid. She lived in fear of his shifting moods, his volatile temperament, his insistence on steering even mundane exchanges down a confrontational path that, on occasion, he would resolve with punches, slaps, kicks, and sometimes try to make amends for with polluted apologies and sometimes not." (99)

• He is physically and verbally abusive. She deals with it because she has no other choice. Lives in fear of him and oppressed by him. It shows that she feels belittled and unhappy; however, she doesn't do anything about it.

* loses 6 more children to miscarriage

* "She could not give him his son back. In this most essential way, she had failed him --seven times she had failed him--and now she was nothing but a burden to him. She could see it in the way he looked at her, when he looked at her." (99-100)

• Mariam feels responsible for his unhappiness and feels as if the way he acts is somehow warranted.

* The rebel Fourth Armored Division seizes the airport, key city intersections, Kabul Radio, the ministries of Communication and the Interior and the Foreign Ministry building. Bloody battle. --> now called the Democratic Republic of Afghanistan

* "His powerful hands clasped her jaw. He shoved two fingers into her mouth and pried it open, then forced the cold, hard pebbles into it. Mariam struggled against him, mumbling, but he kept pushing the pebbles in, his upper lip curled in a sneer." Rasheed: "Now chew. [...] Now you know what our rice tastes like. Now you know what you've given me in this marriage. Bad food, and nothing else." "Then he was gone, leaving Mariam to spit out pebbles, blood, and the fragments of two broken molars." (104)

• He has become extremely physically and verbally abusive as well as oppressive. Fear runs her life, even when it comes to little things such as cooking. The happiness that she once felt in the marriage is now totally gone. She does what her mother had said to her before, Mariam "endures."
  

Observations/Overview:

One can grasp a better understanding of the Muslim culture and religion within this section. A number of traditions and beliefs are presented. For example, the use of the hijab or the burqa by some Muslim women. Certain traditional marriage practices are presented as well, although many are left out. Women are supposed to seem/be very modest, and this can be seen in the use of the veil to cover the bride before her soon to be husband sees her at the wedding ceremony. The fact that she must be asked 3 times if she will take the man as her husband before answering yes (so it is clear that she is being pursued and not the other way) is interesting (52). Women are clearly expected to do all of the domestic work within the house, as well as produce children, especially males, for their husbands. Some women have 8 children, and Mariam's inability to keep a child is very disheartening for her. Prayers are obviously a very important part of Islam as well. Honor and pride are considered very important, and if a woman acts in a way that is not well accepted by society, she dishonors not only herself, but her husband as well. Women are expected to remain quiet and in the background, especially when other men are around. They are expected to remain quiet, even if they are unhappy or feel mistreated. There seems to be a double standard between the way women are allowed to act and what men can, and are expected, to do. For example, Mariam makes excuses for her husband's exotic magazines, but she would never dream of wanting to look at or be with another man.

It is interesting how Rasheed is portrayed. One can tell from the introduction of his character that he will have an unfavorable personality. Words used to describe Rasheed include: big, square, ruddy faced, watery bloodshot eyes, crowded teeth; and his "nails were yellow-brown, like the inside of a rotting apple" (52). The negative imagery gives the reader an unpleasant view of him to begin with. Although he comes off as a decent man to begin with, he becomes more and more abusive as the marriage continues. Rasheed is an oppressive and patriarchal male who takes his anger out on Mariam. She does not deserve the kind of treatment she receives from him, and really has no means of defending herself.

Mariam is a very dynamic character. She begins this section (the second half of Part I) still a child, yet she quickly enters the adult world. Rather, she is forced into it by her father and his wives by an arranged marriage to a much older man shortly after her mother has commited suicide. Mariam's entire outlook and reverence of her father changes as soon as she visits his home in the city. For the first time, she confronts him and semi-publicly berates him for treating her the way he did. This shows a strength in her character not often found in women of her age. It is really the only instance thus far in which she stands up for herself. After she settles into her new life and marriage, she does a good job of taking on the role of the "good Muslim woman." She does as her husband says, wears the burqa, cooks and cleans, and does her best to please him in every way possible. She is even happy in this position, and feels loved. This happiness reaches its highest point when she finds out she is pregnant, the ultimate duty of a wife and happiness a woman strives for. Unfortunately, this happiness is dashed as she loses the baby and continues on to lose 6 more. Her spirit becomes broken, and relations between her husband become more and more strained until she begins to live her life in fear of his rage. Although some may consider her weak for not standing up for herself, it is important to remember just how abusive Rasheed is and how few rights Mariam retains as a woman in Afghanistan during the time. Even if she asked for a divorce, it would not be granted. She is basically Rasheed's property, and as such, he can do what he wants with her. Mariam is introduced to many new things while with her husband, including pornography and the openness of the "modern" and wealthy Muslims of Kabul. As she is confronted with new ideas and ways of life, her mind becomes more and more enlightened. It is also important to note that she is kept uneducated, and her only source of information comes from the gossip and that which the women discuss in the streets. She does not understand what a communist is, and Rasheed calls her stupid for her ignorance. Such ignorance can only be expected though due to her circumstances. Despite her hardships and unhappiness, Mariam continues to endure and push through. She does not break under the pressure exerted on her, and continues to try to please Rasheed in every way she can. Mariam remains spiritual, tough skinned, persistent and brave. She does what is necessary to get by and to have the least amount of pain inflicted upon her.